THE DISCREET CHARM OF THE BOURGEOISIE
ShaII I wait here, Your ExceIIency?
There's not even a fire.
And the tabIe isn't set yet.
But it's after 8.
Good evening, dear AIice.
- Don RafaeI, how are you? - Just fine.
- I'm so gIad to see you again. - So am I.
What a surprise!
Had I known you were coming...
You weren't expecting us?
No, not tonight.
Not tonight?
No. I was expecting you tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
But Henri's invitation was for tonight.
I'm sure of that.
That can't be...
- because Henri is at a business dinner. - IncredibIe!
But I was there when he invited us.
In any case, tomorrow night is out.
I couIdn't have accepted. I've a dinner at the CoIombian Embassy.
I reaIIy don't know what to say.
I'd invite you to eat with me, but nothing is ready.
- I'm terribIy sorry. - Don't be. It's nothing.
A sIight misunderstanding.
Won't you sit down? Have a drink.
Don't put yourseIf out. We'II be going.
By the way,
I know a charming inn nearby. I've dined there on occasion.
- Let's try it. Be my guests. - Good idea.
Why don't you join us?
That's sweet, but I'm not dressed.
No matter. It's quite an informaI pIace.
- Then I'II just change my dress. - Not at aII. Come as you are.
Not very cheerfuI.
Put this on.
Maybe it's cIosed.
The food's good. I'II check.
It's nothing speciaI.
Yes?
We'd Iike to have dinner. Are you cIosed?
- Then we can dine? - Of course. One moment...
What's the meaning of this? CaII the manager, Mr. ManueI.
The management changed 3 months ago.
Good evening, Madame.
PIease come in.
Let's go.
Not very crowded.
- A bad sign. - Maybe it's earIy.
Let's sit here.
You sit there.
ShaII we start with the wine, my friends?
It depends on what we order.
What do you prefer? Bordeaux? Burgundy?
Burgundy.
Whether I have oysters or fish, I go with red wine...
''SnaiIs cooked in ChabIis.''
I don't care for snaiIs.
I'd fancy a hare terrine, but in restaurants
they tend to use too much saIt...
There's meIon.
Good idea. I'II have a meIon with port.
I'd have caviar, but It might not be very good here.
I prefer my own caviar.
What do they have for fish? I adore fish.
There's griIIed sardines, fiIIet of soIe,
fried whiting, brown-buttered skate,
pike queneIIes in Nantua sauce, bIue trout...
This restaurant's cheap.
A cheap, empty restaurant is dubious.
Think so?
I'II skip the meIon and have a dry martini instead.
Nothing but red wine for you.
And Crémant to make Picard happy.
- What's going on? - Where are you going? Stay here.
That's being indiscreet.
We'II have
a meIon with port... a pIain meIon...
The Iady here wiII have roII mops...
What's going on?
The owner, Madame. He died suddenIy this afternoon.
We were so fond of him.
- He died in that suit? - But why keep him here?
We're expecting the undertaker.
But we remain at your service.
I'm Ieaving. I won't eat here.
- Why not? - You can't be serious, RafaeI!
I don't mind.
But I assure you, you'II have a fine dinner.
- No, I'm going. - As you Iike.
- What shaII we do? - Try another pIace.
If you don't mind, I'd rather go home. WiII you take me?
Yes, with pIeasure.
Mr. SénéchaI and Mr. Thevenot are here.
Show them in.
HeIIo, Henri.
HeIIo, Francois. PIease...
What happened Iast night?
- Why did you come by? - You invited us.
You're mistaken. It was for tonight.
I couId never have accepted. I'm engaged tonight.
I don't understand. Are you free for Iunch Saturday?
Let me check.
Saturday's fine with Francois. About one o'cIock.
I have nothing pIanned.
We'II be expecting you, then.
Say...
there's quite a pretty girI outside.
WeII, weII...
What are you doing?
- Put that down! - Stand back!
I know what I'm doing.
- Who is she? - She's from Miranda.
Miranda?
She's part of a terrorist group that's been after me for years.
- To do what? - How's that, to do what?
To kidnap me, murder me. You never know with terrorists.
Did you notify the poIice?
I'd rather not, for the moment. You understand why.
I had some troubIe at the airport.
They wanted to search my dipIomatic pouch.
I had to caII the minister.
Search the dipIomatic pouch... UnthinkabIe!
Last month, they arrested the ambassador of...
An ambassador carrying 40 kiIos of cocaine.
An ambassador? Which one?
They hushed up the affair. There are 1 5 kiIos here.
It didn't get into the press.
It was the U.S. ambassador.
That makes the 4th ambassador to be arrested.
We have to find another system.
- Want to test it? - Harrison's radar?
- It's the best. - I have a sampIe.
Your hand.
It's pure.
The finest.
I have the first payment.
You can count it.
I trust you.
The MarseiIIes gang is getting suspicious.
They want to know who our suppIier is.
That's bad news.
It's no use worrying now.
Skip it. Where wiII you invest the money?
CertainIy not in Miranda.
Same pIace as you.
- What's the Deutsche mark at now? - 3.1 7 to the doIIar.
ShaII I wait here, Your ExceIIency?
- Are Monsieur and Madame home? - Yes, I'II Iet them know.
SmeIIs good.
SureIy a voI-au-vent a Ia financiére.
So about the popuIation expIosion...
I'II expIain.
This is the Earth.
That's the zodiac.
Come on.
- Yes? - The guests are here, sir.
We'II be right down. Serve them drinks.
They can wait 5 minutes. Come on...
- Not here! - Why not?
You make too much noise.
What'II we do?
Don't stand there, get dressed.
They'II be right down. HeIp yourseIves to drinks.
Fine.
- What wiII it be? - As you Iike.
- Same for me. - How about you, FIorence?
I wouIdn't mind...
a dry martini.
My sister shouIdn't drink. You shouId've seen her Iast night.
She was dead drunk. She threw up everywhere.
In the eIevator, in the taxi. It was awfuI.
- And her fingernaiIs were fiIthy. - They were not!
You're the one who...
Dry martinis for everyone?
There's nothing more reIaxing than a dry martini.
I read it in a woman's magazine.
I'II mix them.
I'm afraid these gIasses are out of styIe.
For a dry martini the cIassic cone-shaped gIass is best.
Here's one.
This is just about right.
The ice cubes come first.
They have to be first-rate. Very coId, very hard.
About 20 to 30 degrees beIow zero. Like these.
What are you doing?
Then we pour the gin.
Stir to cooI it, then serve.
RafaeI knows a dry martini must be sipped Iike champagne.
We'II try something. Get your chauffeur.
What do you want with him?
You'II see.
Honey, if you prefer the 30's New York styIe,
you can add a few drops of Pernod.
Maurice!
- Come in a minute? - Right away, Your ExceIIency.
Do us the pIeasure of having a drink with us.
Thank you, sir.
- Your heaIth, Iadies and gentIemen. - And yours.
That's fine, Maurice. You may go now.
Did you see that?
That was preciseIy the way not to drink a dry martini.
You're being hard on Maurice. He's a commoner. He's uneducated.
No system can give the masses the proper sociaI graces.
But you know me, I'm not a reactionary.
Where are our hosts?
I don't know, Madame. They Ieft.
What do you mean, Ieft?
I saw them running into the garden.
- When was this? - 4 or 5 minutes ago.
- Where were they going? - I don't know.
Excuse me, Madame.
What's the meaning of this?
I don't know.
Someone may have informed the poIice. A raid.
You think so?
Why eIse wouId they run off Iike that?
- They couId have warned us! - They may not have had time.
- Let's get out of here. - Right.
Come on, quick!
- We have to go! - Why?
But we're fine here.
We must get out of here.
And go where?
Never you mind. Come on.
Get going. And fast.
I'm Monsignor Dufour, bishop of this diocese.
Are Mr. and Mrs. SénéchaI at home?
No, Your Grace, they're not.
- Where are they? - I don't know.
They had Iunch guests, but they aII Ieft.
- WiII they be back? - I think so, Your Grace.
- May I wait for them? - Why, of course.
I'd Iike to sit down, if you have no objections.
- I'm a bit tired. - PIease do, Your Grace.
You waIked aII the way?
I had a car, but I soId it to heIp the poor.
- WouId you Iike a drink? - No, thank you, I don't drink.
TeII me, my dear... what is your name?
Ines.
TeII me, dear Ines...
Is that the gardener's shed I saw as I came up?
Yes, it is, Your Grace.
But the gardener was fired Iast week.
Yes, I know.
- Excuse me, I have work to do. - Go right ahead.
What excuse do we give?
- Where are they? - Who, Madame?
- The guests! Where are they? - They Ieft.
What got into them?
We were bareIy out 20 minutes.
They had enough to drink.
You don't just Ieave Iike that!
Why not stop them?
They Iooked scared. They ran out.
- Scared? - Scared of what?
I'm Your Monsignor Dufour, bishop of this diocese.
I'd Iike to speak with you.
What was that?
It's true. His Grace came by before. I Iet him in...
Who's he kidding? WiII you get the heII out!
Out!
You Iet in strangers just Iike that?
He said he was a bishop.
And you beIieved him?
If we're out, beware of strangers.
Remember that!
Very weII, Madame.
Come on, Iet's tidy up a bit.
I wonder why they were scared.
Thevenot's aIways scared.
The Embassy might know something.
Wait a bit. I bet they'II come back.
You're right. Anyway, the day's ruined.
That's them.
You see? Do you beIieve me now?
- I don't understand. - Shame on us.
It's nothing.
- WiII you forgive us? - Of course. It's nothing serious.
Won't you have a seat?
Dear Madame, haven't we met before?
Quite possibIy.
To what do we owe this honor?
It's quite simpIe. I'd Iike to be your gardener.
- Excuse me? - Your gardener, yes.
Tend your garden... the vegetabIes, the fIowers, the Iawn.
- You do need a gardener? - Yes, we do.
Then I'm asking for the position.
- But, Your Grace... - Don't be surprised.
The Church has changed, you know.
You've heard of worker priests?
The same goes for bishops.
- You know about gardening? - I shouId think so.
I spent my chiIdhood in a Iarge house...
something Iike this one.
My parents... God rest their souIs, they both died vioIent deaths.
My parents had a fine gardener. I Iearned everything from him.
- Your parents died vioIent deaths? - Yes, arsenic poisoning.
Who did it?
We never found out.
How much do you want?
Union rates. No more, no Iess.
But our ex-gardener wasn't unionized.
Maybe so, but I insist on doing this properIy.
So, is the answer yes?
Very weII.
- When wiII you start? - Now. If you'd show me the garden...
This way.
Excuse me...
You have grass in your hair.
It's nothing.
- ShaII we? - Indeed.
See you Iater, Madame.
- What wiII you Iadies have? - Three teas.
- MiIk or Iemon? - Lemon for me.
Me, too.
Some miIk, pIease.
I can't stand the sight of that musician.
Which one?
The ceIIist.
- Why? You don't Iike the ceIIo? - I detest it.
Do you mind if we change pIaces?
Why not?
PersonaIIy, I reaIIy Iike the ceIIo.
- The sound... - Most orchestras have dropped them.
Look at that!
If they were young, at Ieast...
- See that? - See what?
The soIdier sitting over there.
He's a Iieutenant.
- You know him? - No, why?
He keeps staring at us.
I don't know him.
Neither do I.
Did you notice how sad he Iooks?
True. But Iieutenants often do. I've aIways wondered why.
I'm terribIy sorry, Iadies, but we're out of tea.
No tea! What's the meaning of this?
We've been very busy today. We just served our Iast tea.
- No tea at aII? - None, Madame.
WiII you have something eIse?
- Then I'II have a coffee - Me too.
- Me too. With a brandy. - We don't seII aIcohoI, Miss.
Three coffees, then.
If I may... Hubert de Rochcahin, cavaIry Iieutenant.
May I join you?
Of course.
Madame, did you have a happy chiIdhood?
Yes. Quite happy.
And you, Madame?
Me, too... I have nothing but good memories.
Not me.
I had severaI compIexes: EucIid's compIex...
My chiIdhood was tragic. May I teII you about it?
- Here? Now? - Yes. It's a bit Iong, but interesting.
If you Iike.
I remember, I was 1 1 .
I was about to enter miIitary schooI.
Not too tight under the arms?
Button up your tunic.
There, that's it.
It's fine.
Your father wants to see you.
- Your son, sir. - You can go now.
Turn.
WaIk a IittIe.
Fine.
Now Iisten to me.
Your mother is dead. I'm responsibIe for your education.
At miIitary schooI discipIine wiII be harsh.
But it's for your own good.
I hope you wiII do credit to the name I gave you.
That wiII be aII.
Mother!
MOTHER, I LO...
Hubert, my son. It's me.
Don't be afraid.
Come here. Don't be afraid.
Listen to me.
Come cIoser.
The man who Iives in this house and caIIs you son is not your father.
Do you understand?
Look. Your reaI father is there.
The other one kiIIed him in a dueI. We were deepIy in Iove.
Now, Iisten to me. Don't be afraid.
Your so-caIIed father usuaIIy wakes at night for a gIass of miIk.
In the bathroom cabinet you'II find a bIue viaI.
Tonight, when he's asIeep, go and empty it into his gIass.
It's your mother's Iast request.
FareweII, my son.
A few days Iater, I Ieft for miIitary schooI
where an exciting Iife awaited me.
I'm sorry, Iadies, we have no more coffee.
- What? - Or miIk.
- Is this a joke? - Not at aII, Madame.
Today has been unusuaIIy busy so we're out of coffee and miIk.
What wiII we drink then?
- You have verbena? - No, I'm sorry.
We're aIso out of herbaI tea.
Do you have water?
- Of course. It wouId be the Iast straw. - Bring us water.
IncredibIe!
Thank you for Iistening to me. AIIow me to take my Ieave.
PIease do, Lieutenant.
And thanks.
My God! What was I thinking?
I have an appointment. I must be off. Excuse me.
- We'II get together one of these days. - Indeed. Goodbye, Simone.
Sorry I'm Iate, darIing.
Not aII that Iate.
- Champagne? - With pIeasure.
Afterwards.
Get undressed, quick.
- Turn off the Iight first. - Why?
Because I'm not cured yet.
What?
But your hands Iook fine.
Not my hands, but eIsewhere.
God! If you saw it...
In that case...
This dress is such a nuisance.
Turn off the Iight!
Hear that?
I don't know who it is.
Oh, it's you! Good. Come in.
What do you want?
I saw SénéchaI this morning.
He's sorry about Iunch the other day. ''A misunderstanding.''
- He wants to have us over tonight. - Tonight?
Who is it?
Your husband.
Is that my wife in your bedroom?
She arrived five minutes ago.
That's odd.
She said nothing?
Isn't this a coincidence!
I aIso came by to give him the invitation.
- You free tonight? - AbsoIuteIy.
- So we go together, as usuaI? - With pIeasure.
- Some champagne? - No, I must run aIong.
Coming with me?
No, wait. Let her stay a moment. Just a few minutes.
- What for? - I have to show her the sursicks.
- The what? - The sursicks.
- I'II wait in the car. - I'II be right down.
- What are these sursicks? - I don't know and who cares!
Come quick!
You're mad! He's downstairs! He might come back up!
Just one IittIe moment!
Leave me aIone! Let me go!
See you tonight, darIing.
Don't move. Hands up.
You're better quaIified for Iove than for war.
You think I'm a bastard.
I'd even be a sociaIist, if sociaIists beIieved in God.
How oId are you?
You and your friends haven't a chance.
VioIence wiII get you nowhere. I've aIways said so.
You're a good IittIe housewife. Bread, Iettuce...
The key to dreams...
A man forewarned is forearmed, don't you think?
Some champagne?
Have any younger brothers?
BasicaIIy, we think aIike.
Take the bomb and poIIution.
You're against. WeII, so am I.
You're for free Iove. So am I.
How dare you touch me! Mao Tse-tung was right...
I don't agree.
If Mao said that, it means he misread Freud.
When aII is said and done,
the onIy soIution to famine and poverty is the miIitary soIution.
You'II see in Miranda,
when you have to spread your pretty thighs to an infantry battaIion.
Don't you agree?
And now?
Yours must be Ioaded,
since you're here to kiII me.
I couId easiIy eIiminate you. SeIf-defense.
But I'II show you how generous I can be.
The door is open. Get out.
I have a dinner appointment. I must get dressed. Get out!
- So you don't know the IWM? - I'm not much on acronyms.
The InternationaI Women's Movement.
You know the IWM's raIIying sign?
This.
As idiotic a sign as the others.
Fascist. Communist. Victory,
and ''Christ is our Iord and master.''
And ''Morituri te saIutant.''
RafaeI, can you come a minute?
May I introduce Don RafaeI Acosta, ambassador of the Mirandan RepubIic.
Monsignor Dufour.
- Your Grace. - Your ExceIIency.
Dinner wiII be served shortIy. A drink, whiIe we wait?
Just this once, I'II have a whiskey. Just a drop. With soda.
Nothing for me, thank you.
I'm deIighted to meet you.
You know, we have a Iarge mission in Bogota.
Bogota is in CoIombia.
That's right, it is in CoIombia. I got mixed up.
I don't know Miranda but I hear it's a magnificent country.
The Andes, the pampas...
The pampas are in Argentina, Your Grace.
You're right. Of course. I ought to know that.
I recentIy saw a book on Latin America.
It had superb photos of your ancient pyramids.
Our pyramids?
We have no pyramids in Miranda.
Mexico and GuatemaIa have them, we don't.
- Are you sure? - AbsoIuteIy sure.
Dinner is ready, Madame.
If you pIease,
dinner is served.
- Your Grace... - After you, Madame, pIease.
- WiII you do the honors? - If you insist.
Who can that be at this hour?
RosaIie, pIease get the door.
Ladies, gentIemen, good evening...
PIease excuse us.
I was expecting you tomorrow.
Maneuvers were moved up a day.
But, CoIoneI, turning up Iike this...
I'm truIy sorry. It's not my fauIt, beIieve me.
We have guests tonight.
I suppose you haven't had dinner.
Give me 5 minutes and I'II see what I can do.
In the meantime, won't you have a drink and meet our friends?
With pIeasure.
Can you heIp with the chairs?
At your service, Madame.
Let's see what's in the fridge.
Some paté, some ham...
Care for a whiskey? Dry martini? Vodka?
Whatever you Iike.
- A martini? - Why not?
Mr. SénéchaI had agreed to house us during maneuvers, Iike before.
I didn't think he'd have guests tonight.
- Mexican? - Congo.
Good stuff.
You're an infantry officer?
- CavaIry. - So sorry.
- What's that you're smoking, CoIoneI? - Marijuana. Care for some?
No, thank you.
- Your ExceIIency? - CertainIy not.
I'd Iove some.
Not those chairs!
I'II go get some others.
Your Grace!
That'II do.
I wouIdn't have beIieved you smoked in the army.
In my country, for exampIe, the army is incredibIy strict.
Marijuana's nothing, you know.
But it's the first step towards worse. I Ioathe drug addicts.
So do I.
6,000 U.S. Marines were discharged recentIy
because they were drug addicts.
That's kind of you.
Marijuana isn't a drug. Take Vietnam, for instance.
From generaIs to privates, everybody smokes.
And what happens? They bomb their own troops.
If they bomb their own troop, there must be a reason.
And remember, during the Great War,
our men had to drink 3 Iiters of wine a day.
You exaggerate.
Not at aII. Despite those 3 Iiters there were stiII many deserters.
They were machine-gunned by French poIice.
Hundreds were kiIIed.
I never heard that.
It's a historic fact. They even say it happened at Verdun...
I think we can eat now.
I hope we can aII squeeze in.
ObviousIy, the portions are smaII.
But there are eggs, ham and cheese.
I'm sure it wiII be fine. And again, my apoIogies.
Sit where you can.
- Some foie gras, CoIoneI? - With pIeasure.
- May I serve you? - PIease do.
- Are your maneuvers Iong? - About a week.
Message from HQ for the CoIoneI.
Sir...
What is it now?
If you'II excuse me...
- You don't say! - What is it?
The Green Army's attacked. We have to go.
But you haven't eaten!
I'm sorry, Madame, but orders are orders.
Ladies, gentIemen...
GentIemen, we're Ieaving.
Ah, that's right...
The sergeant has a charming dream to reIate.
We're Iistening.
I had a dream Iast week...
I was taking a waIk at dusk in a busy shopping street.
What are you doing around here?
What about you?
I Iive here.
Since when?
It's been six years, I think.
And you?
I just got here.
What's the matter? You Iook so paIe.
And you? You shouId see yourseIf.
- You smeII of earth. - So do you.
Are you staying here Iong?
Forever.
Wait for me a minute.
I have to buy something.
I'II wait.
HeIIo.
- Wasn't Ramirez just here with you? - Yes.
- You sure it was him? - Sure.
Don't you know he died over 6 years ago?
Say, that's true. You're right.
- How can that be? - I don't know.
I was surprised to see him. He said he Iived around here.
I remember now, he died quite a whiIe ago.
He went in here. Wait, I'II go get him.
- It's you? - Yes, it's me.
- You recognize me? - How couId I not recognize you?
- You might have forgotten me. - Forget you?
Every time I tried to taIk to you,
you kept your distance, you snubbed me.
- Remember? - I remember.
Last time, you returned to the sand. Now you're here, coming to me.
Why this Iate?
I don't know. I wanted to see you again.
I Iooked for you in this dark crowd.
I've been Iooking since I arrived.
- Nothing wiII part us again. - Nothing.
Just 3 minutes ago, I ran into an oId friend.
Wait, I'II get him. You must meet him.
I'II wait.
Ramirez!
Where are you, Mother?
I seek you among the shadows.
Mother?
I went off in search of my mother,
but the street was fuII of shadows
and no one responded.
Now teII us the train dream.
No, we have to hurry. Some other time.
Let's get going.
My respects, Madame...
Ladies, gentIemen...
When Lazarus rose from the dead, he had no memories.
What's that?
It's the beginning of maneuvers. I hope they spare the house.
I'II make some coffee.
HeIIo.
It's me again.
PIease, don't bother.
I hope the noise isn't disturbing.
Not at aII. It's perfectIy normaI.
It's an artiIIery barrage. The cavaIry wiII attack in 20 minutes.
I see.
Mrs. SénéchaI's not here?
Ah, it's you. You'II have some coffee?
Thank you, there's no time. I simpIy wanted to extend my apoIogies,
and I'd be deIighted if you, and your friends, of course,
wouId come to my home for dinner. WouId next Friday do?
Maneuvers wiII be over.
If my friends accept.
Fine. Your Grace wiII honor me with his presence?
The honor's aII mine.
UntiI Friday, then.
My wife wiII be deIighted to meet you.
Our address is
1 7, rue du Parc.
They'II be right down.
''Hat worn by NapoIeon at the BattIe of Wagram''.
Let me try it on.
Not quite. It's too smaII.
But it seems to be made for you.
Come now, Henri, such bad taste!
What did I say? It suits you fine.
You're such a chiId!
- Some more? - No, thank you.
Add some seItzer.
Your heaIth!
Is this whiskey?
That's what the IabeI says.
Tastes Iike Quasi-CoIa.
It is Quasi-CoIa.
If the CoIoneI's meaI is Iike his drinks, we're in for it.
Is this a joke?
''And to prove your vaIor,
''you invite the Commander's specter to dinner!''
And to prove your vaIor,
you invite...
''And to make us beIieve he attended...''
God, what am I doing here?
''... You put us to sIeep with a narcotic.''
I don't know my Iines!
What's the matter?
Oh, nothing,
a crazy dream.
We were at the CoIoneI's and we ended up on a stage,
And?
Where are you? We're waiting for you at the CoIoneI's.
We were afraid something happened.
No, we're coming. I just dozed off.
We're on our way.
How do I Iook, RafaeI?
GhastIy.
It's a sIightIy effeminate hat.
NapoIeon? You think so?
As for NapoIeon's hat at Wagram, I've seen three in France.
You don't say!
Another whiskey, Your ExceIIency?
- More port? - No, thank you, I haven't finished.
What a pIeasure. We were worried.
My respects, Madame. It's aII my fauIt.
Do come and sit down. WiII you have something?
With your permission, a scotch.
- And you, Madame? - A drop of port.
I hope you Iike it, it's vintage port.
Any news from Miranda?
- How is the situation? - Quite caIm.
And the guerriIIas?
There are a few Ieft. They're part of our foIkIore.
You have some student unrest.
Students are young. They need to have some fun.
What is your government's poIicy?
We're not anti-student, you know.
On the contrary. But what do you do if your room's swarming with fIies?
You take a swatter and... spIat!
No more fIies!
One moment...
I hear your country is beautifuI.
Very beautifuI.
Of course, you Iack caviar and champagne.
But we have things just as fine, if not better.
Excuse me.
Is it true that in certain parts of Miranda there's stiII dire poverty?
I can hardIy beIieve the guIf between rich and poor is growing wider.
You've been misIed.
Our economy is booming, as the statistics show.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, Your ExceIIency. I heard you just now.
I'm deepIy interested in administrative probIems.
What wouId you Iike to know?
I'm toId your judges and poIicemen often accept bribes.
In the past, perhaps. There were instances, as everywhere.
But we are a true democracy now. Corruption no Ionger exists.
Excuse me.
I don't think I beIong here.
- What's the matter? - Nothing.
I'II teII you another time. UntiI tomorrow.
Your ExceIIency!
- Leaving aIready? - Not at aII. Why?
My husband wouId Iike to taIk to you.
I'd Iike to drink a toast to you.
With pIeasure, CoIoneI.
To your heaIth!
Your country's been in the news IateIy, at Ieast here.
I read that Miranda hoIds the worId record
for the number of homicides per capita.
No, CoIoneI, you're mistaken.
HardIy. It seems peopIe kiII at the drop of a hat.
At Ieast 30 deaths daiIy.
No, CoIoneI. I think you're trying to offend me.
Not at aII. I know what I'm taIking about.
I read it in a very serious report.
AIIow me not to take your word for it.
I repeat, I know what I'm taIking about.
If I weren't your guest, I wouId demand satisfaction.
I wasn't aware this chivaIrous custom existed in your semi-barbaric Iand.
You have just insuIted the RepubIic of Miranda.
I couIdn't give a tinker's damn about Miranda.
And I shit on your entire army.
What is it? I didn't hear anything.
CaIm down, CoIoneI, pIease!
The ambassador's charming...
He's a Iout who deserved it!
There's been a mix-up!
Let's caIm down, CoIoneI. TeII us what happened.
Nothing tragic.
Excuse me.
What's the matter?
I dreamed that I...
First I dreamed that SénéchaI dreamed
that we went to a theater...
Then, that we were invited to the CoIoneI's,
and that he argued with RafaeI...
You're a goose. Go back to sIeep.
CaIm down and sIeep.
What fIowers! The garden's never Iooked IoveIier.
That's kind of you. I do my best.
By the way,
we're having some friends over for Iunch.
- Won't you join us? - I'd Iove to, but I must finish.
It wouId make me very happy.
And we'II be among friends.
Just come when you can.
I'II finish what I have to do, then join you.
May I suggest fIanking the gate with two rows of hydrangeas?
May I show you?
We pIant two rows of hydrangeas from the gate to the house.
May I heIp you?
Where can I find a priest?
You have to inquire at the parish.
But, Madame, I am a priest!
- Why do you need him? - To give absoIution to a dying oId man.
Wait here. I'II be right back.
Who is it?
He's a very oId man and very poor.
He Iives on a farm nearby. A former gardener.
- He's very sick now. - He needs a doctor.
He says it's too Iate.
He wants a priest.
Wait here.
Father...
I want to teII you something.
Then speak, my chiId.
I reaIIy don't Iike Jesus Christ.
Even as a IittIe girI, I hated him.
Such a good, gentIe God?
How is it possibIe?
Want to know why?
Let me tend to this sick man first, then we'II taIk.
I have to deIiver two bags of carrots. I'II come for you after.
You asked for a priest? Here I am.
I bring you the soIace of reIigion. You wish to confess?
Yes, confess...
I'm Iistening.
TeII me your sins.
Father...
Many years ago I committed a crime.
I kiIIed a man and a woman.
- Who? - My empIoyers.
I kiIIed them both.
They treated me so harshIy.
There, on the photo... That's them.
Him and her.
The man behind them with the rake is me.
I was a gardener.
Years and years ago.
Do you know the IittIe boy?
Yes, that's their son.
Yes. That was me.
I remember this photo. I often saw it.
Those you kiIIed were my parents.
They never found the cuIprit.
It was me.
They treated me Iike an animaI.
He was a brute, and she...
CaIm down.
You want absoIution before you meet your maker?
Oh, yes, for pity's sake.
The Lord forgives the most hardened sinners.
See the exampIe he gives us by uniting us here.
CIose your eyes, gather your thoughts
and pray.
May our Lord Jesus Christ forgive you.
And I, by His authority, pardon your sins,
in the name of the Father, the Son and the HoIy Ghost. Amen.
Go in peace, now.
WiII you have a drink, or shaII we eat right away?
I'm starving to death.
Take your pIaces, then.
We have truffIe omeIet,
and guinea fowI with moreI.
You can serve now, Ines.
His Grace was caIIed away to see a dying man.
Maybe we shouId wait, then?
He said to start without him.
Have you made pIans for the summer?
Neither have we. Why?
Why not come out to Miranda?
It's an invitation. This way you can Iearn about my country.
It must be terribIy hot in the summer.
When its summer here, it's winter there. Isn't that right?
NaturaIIy.
We French are hopeIess in geography.
Get the door, Ines. It must be His Grace.
RafaeI, rumor has it that you're to be named minister.
PoIice, open up!
In the name of the Iaw!
RafaeI Acosta?
Inspector DéIécIuze. You are the Mirandan Ambassador?
Yes, I am.
You're under arrest.
- You're under arrest. - You've no right.
I have every right. You're not on Embassy grounds. The warrant.
And dipIomatic immunity?
DipIomatic immunity? The heII with it! Take him away.
There must be some mistake. The Ambassador can't possibIy...
- Henri SénéchaI? - That's me.
You're under arrest.
This arrest is an outrage. I'm caIIing my Iawyer.
No, you're not! Take him away!
You're Inspector DéIécIuze?
What a coincidence! We're neighbors.
I know your charming daughter.
Are you Francois Thevenot, by any chance?
You're under arrest.
- What are we accused of? - You'II find out at the station.
You can't arrest peopIe just Iike that!
The women, too! Take them away!
Don't touch me!
Let go of me!
Are you a cycIist?
Don't touch me!
Search the house: bedrooms, basement, the works!
- What is it? - Drug case. Some big pIayers, it seems.
Where's the fire?
- Christ! What's the date? - June 1 4.
I totaIIy forgot! You're obviousIy new here.
How come?
- June 1 4 is BIoody Sergeant Day. - What?
Never hear of the BIoody Sergeant?
No, never.
Listen good. This was back in the days
when the poIice tried hard to improve its pubIic image.
Remember?
Sure do.
Have you phoned the Minister?
What about my Iawyer?
- I'm thirsty! - This is shamefuI.
- You staying? - Just a IittIe whiIe.
- It's June 1 4, don't forget. - I'm not forgetting, sir.
As I was saying...
There was this sergeant who was so strict...
That's his picture there...
he ruined our best efforts.
StiII, he was a decent guy.
So...
stiII won't taIk?
WiII you answer, or not?
So you won't answer.
Listen good, I'II give you one more chance.
WiII you taIk, or not?
Go to it.
- So, how's the missus? - So-so.
- WiII it be a boy or a girI? - A girI, I hope. I have two boys.
None of that!
I know you didn't pIant the bomb.
You're a nice feIIow, you have heaIthy ideas.
But you know who did it. TaIk and you'II see your girI tomorrow.
I don't have a girI.
You enjoy taking me for a ride?
Tough Iuck. You asked for it.
We'II make him pIay some piano.
We won't kiII you.
WiII you taIk?
StiII nothing to say?
Then, one June 1 4, he was murdered during a demonstration.
Since then, every June 1 4, he returns to redeem himseIf.
- He's coming tonight? - For sure.
Stay if you Iike, but I don't want to meet the sergeant.
Me, neither. Wait up!
Stop!
Don't Iet them get away!
What's the matter, sir?
It's you!
I was washing up. I heard you caII.
Imagine, I dreamed you were Ietting the prisoners go.
Me?
You had a face Iike a sIaughtered ox.
Dreams can sometimes be...
HoId the Iine.
It's for you: the Interior Minister.
Speaking.
Yes, ma'am, I'II wait.
Inspector DéIécIuze?
You arrested the Ambassador of Miranda and his friends.
ReIease them immediateIy.
But, sir, they've aIready been booked. I can't...
Forget about the booking and just do as I say.
But, sir, can I at Ieast know why...?
Our dipIomatic reIations with Latin America...
What was that? I couIdn't hear you.
What's that? But I speak cIearIy enough.
Very weII.
Yes, I understand, sir.
Sergeant!
ReIease the prisoners.
Right away, sir.
- You spoke to the Minister? - Of course.
I caIIed to thank him. I invited him to Miranda.
- And? - He'II do his best to come.
What time is it?
A quarter to nine.
I hope they hurry, the Iamb wiII be overdone.
- That must be them. - I'II get it.
- Are we Iate? - Not at aII. How are you?
Fine, thank you.
Your dress is IoveIy.
This is a reaI pIeasure.
For me, as weII.
Traffic was incredibIy heavy.
- It's Saturday. -True. I shouId have Ieft earIier.
We passed at Ieast 1 50-200 cycIists.
We'II skip cocktaiIs and get straight to dinner.
If not, the Iamb wiII be overdone.
Fine with me, I'm starved.
I've made some soup with garden herbs.
A very good idea.
I made it myseIf.
Sit where you Iike Francois on my right.
RafaeI here.
I aImost didn't make soup, then I thought:
Is a dinner without soup reaIIy a dinner?
So, Ines, how are things with your fiancé?
- We broke up, Madame. - But why?
- He has 2 years in the army. - You shouId wait.
It was his decision. He says I'm too oId as it is.
- How oId are you? - 52.
ReaIIy? I see.
She worked for my parents when I was a chiId.
Say, I read they arrested a Nazi in Miranda...
A Von Something-or-other, who ran a concentration camp.
It seems he was a reaI butcher.
CaIIing him a butcher strikes me as a bit excessive.
I met him once,
and I can assure you, he's a true gentIeman.
It's compatibIe. You can be poor and a thief.
And rich and honest, my dear.
How did he dress, this Mr. Von Something-or-other?
Was he an animaI-Iover?
He wouId take waIks with a big dog.
Is it true there are many Nazis in Miranda?
- How is the soup? - DeIicious.
FeeI free to add saIt.
I'm sure it's perfect, as usuaI.
I'II just go check on the Iamb.
- What time is it? - 9:1 0.
You can take it out. 25 minutes per pound
is Iong enough.
Fine.
Few peopIe know it, but you carve a Iamb standing. Right, Francois?
It's more proper. Remember that.
Thanks for the Iesson.
What's your birth date, RafaeI?
February 22, 1 920.
Then you're a Pisces?
Sagittarius rising.
That's very interesting.
- ShaII I serve you? - PIease.
Pass me RafaeI's pIate.
Pisces-Sagittarius...
The union of these two signs
enhances your strength of character.
You try to exceed the Iimits of your ego.
You think so?
Some Iima beans?
- EspeciaIIy with oIive oiI. - I added some.
Just for me.
With pIeasure.
Your Iamb is superb.
- Not overdone? - Just right.
You enjoy throwing yourseIf into Iife.
You feeI driven by great ideaIs and nobIe undertakings.
Your open mind gives you a gIobaI outIook on Iife.
You'II be my guests, next time. Wait untiI you taste my caviar.
FIorence wiII serve her speciaIty: vodka and aquavit.
Your sensibiIity is in harmony with your humanitarian conscience.
But if you want to discard preconceptions,
you must repIace them with a personaI code of ethics, RafaeI.
I've aIways done as my conscience dictates.
- Some more Iamb, RafaeI? - With pIeasure.
- You prefer it rare? - I don't care.
It's deIicious. I may be a bit perverse,
but I've a weakness for American canned beans.
Everybody, on your feet!
Ladies, on your feet!
- What's the meaning of this? - Hands behind your heads!
Get in the back!
Give us a chance to expIain.
You've been misIed.
In the back!
Move it!
When we've searched the house,
we'II have pIenty of time to taIk.
What are you going to do?
Look!
Are you in pain, sir?
You screamed. Do you need anything?
Nothing.
Go back to bed.